Barney & Friends
Episode 3: Sharing
If there was anything Talon hated more than Barney and the brats, it was hearing them make noise, and the brats were making a hell of a lot of noise at the moment. He tapped the sickle-claw on his right foot against the floor, counting to ten. On the count of ten, he intended on making them shut the hell up, one way or another.
He made it to four before he lost his patience.
He stalked over to the children angrily, his eyes flashing pure hatred and rage.
"It's mine!" exclaimed Danny, clutching a stupid toy to his chest.
"But I want to play with it!" cried Bobby.
"Please let us see it!" whined Jenny. Talon stepped in the middle of the group and snatched the toy in question away from Danny, examining it.
"HEY! Give me back my Power Ranger!" cried Danny. Talon scowled.
"This is what all the goddamned noise is about?" he asked.
"Gimme gimme gimme!" cried the brats. Talon smacked the three of them upside their heads roughly, and placed the toy on a shelf, out of reach of the small kids.
"If I hear any more whining over that damned thing, I'll use it to beat all three of you into a bloody pulp! If you really want the stupid toy, fight each other. I'll give it to whoever is left alive." he growled before heading back to his corner.
He was mildly pleased to see Danny pounce on Bobby, thus beginning a wrestling match between the two over the stupid toy.
Talon's entertainment didn't last long, as Barney the Retardosaur entered the room and got the two children to break it up, preaching to them about how they should try getting along.
"Talon told us to!" said Danny.
"He said that whoever won would get it!" agreed Bobby.
"I'm sure Talon was just kidding." said Barney. "He knows it's better to share!"
"Like hell it is!" called Talon angrily. Barney didn't seem to hear...
"Sharing, sharing, sharing is so much fun.." sang the brats and Barney, in anything *but* harmony. Talon did his best to cover his ears, but it did no good. He quickly looked around him for something heavy to hurl at Barney, and settled for an unabridged version of Webster's Dictionary. The song blissfully (and abruptly) ended as the book connected with Barney's head, sending the fat freak to the floor. Talon laughed evilly, but stopped as Barney sat up, unhurt.
"See? Talon's sharing a book with us! Why don't we all share with each other!" he said gleefully. At that, the kids began to run around the room, and hand things to each other, smiling broadly.
Much to Talon's general disgust, the rest of the afternoon continued with the sickening display of sharing and friendship. Just when he thought it couldn't get any worse, a god-awful smell assaulted his sensitive nose and made him choke.
"Jesus fucking Buddha, what the hell is that stench?" he roared. The kids all giggled, as Barney reappeared in the room with an armful of little boxes.
"Happy meals!" squealed the kids with glee. Barney handed each child a box, keeping one for himself, and they sat down and began to eat.
"What the hell is a 'happy meal'?" demanded Talon. The kids all stopped and stared at him as though he were a moron, which server only to infuriate him.
Then Barney noticed he had forgotten to get Talon a happy meal.
The purple peon began to apologize profusely, as Joey, remembering their lesson on sharing, tore his hamburger in half and offered it to Talon, smiling. Tentatively, the raptor took the burger and sniffed it.
"It smells awful." he stated.
"But they taste great!" exclaimed Jenny. Talon looked unconvinced, but took a bite regardless.
He spit it out immediately.
"What the hell is that?" he growled. "That can't be food. It's too...too...too bland! Where's the meat? Where's the blood?"
"Silly! It is meat!" said Barney. "It's a HAMBURGER, made from cows!"
"Like hell it is!" exclaimed the predator.
"But Talon, happy meals are good!" said Jenny again. The big raptor scowled.
"This isn't a happy meal. I'll show you a happy meal..." he said, stalking outside.
A minute later, Talon re-entered the room carrying the most adorable puppy anyone had ever seen. The children all cooed and wanted to pet it, but Talon wouldn't allow it. The puppy, for his part was oblivious to what was going on. He was barking happily and wagging his tail back and forth, enjoying all the attention. Carefully, Talon picked the puppy up so that everyone could see it.
"Now *this* is a happy meal." he said, biting down into the puppy's back. The little dog howled in pain, but the noise ended quickly as Talon slipped a claw into it's throat and slit it open. He ate his meal as the children stared on in shock, most of them turning shades of green. When he finished, he cheerfully tossed the bones out the classroom window and burped.
The kids had all fainted, Barney included. It was then that Talon decided to do his first good deed since he'd been hatched; he threw all the happy meals into the nearest dumpster, knowing that the children wouldn't be able to eat for a while now. He looked back at the classroom as he tossed the last god-forsaken meal into the dumpster, and laughed evilly. He didn't know what had been more fun; eating the puppy, or traumatizing everyone for life.
Chuckling to himself again, he turned and headed towards his home in the woods...