Barney & Friends
Episode 2: Kenny Moves Away
"Talon, don't you want to play with us?" asked the monkey known
as Jenny. Talon looked up and scowled from his makeshift nest in the
corner. The brat looked so ridiculous wearing that paper hat, it made him
want to puke and rip her head off simultaneously.
"For the last fucking time, *NO!*" he snapped. It was the fourth
time they'd asked him, and he was really starting to get annoyed. He was
starving, and didn't feel like playing any stupid games with animals of
lesser standing than himself.
"But Talon, playing pretend is *fun*!" said Barney. Talon just
scowled.
"Fine. How about I play 'Mad Scientist' and dissect all of you, just
for the fun of it?" he said ominously. The room fell silent, finally.
"What does 'dissect' mean?" asked the little basketball of a
child named Kenny. Talon was just about to offer to demonstrate for the
runt when Bobby noticed it was time for them to go home.
"Figures..." hissed Talon. "It *would* be time for you
brats to leave just when I'm about to have fun."
-----
Barney stood at the door to the school, waving as the little retards left.
Talon stood silently beside the bloated purple moron, holding his growling
stomach. When the last child was out of sight, Barney turned to Talon and
smiled.
"We sure had fun today, didn't we?" he asked with a stupid smile.
"No." said Talon sourly.
"Aww, you're just saying that! You had a *blast* today, and you know
it!"
"If I tore your throat out, would you still be annoyingly cheerful?"
"I'm always cheerful!" said Barney, giving a good-natured laugh.
"What about if I disemboweled you and strung your entrails around the
school like Christmas decorations?" asked Talon.
"Silly! Christmas is still several months away!" said Barney,
still smiling.
"Jesus... You were dropped as an egg, weren't you?" scowled
Talon. Barney just laughed again, said goodbye, and vanished in a 'poof'
of air. Talon let loose a string of obscenities directed at Barney and his
intelligence before his stomach growled again, reminding him that he had
not eaten anything for a couple of days now. He darted away from the
school. just as the street lights were starting to come on, intent on
finding something to eat.
-----
The next day, the brats were discussing all the 'fun' things they had
learned in class, and it was irritating the piss out of Talon. He went to
the school AV room and hauled a TV into the class, plugged it up in the
corner, and began going through the channels as the brats kept on
chattering. Finally, he found some classic episodes of 'South Park' on,
and settled in to watch them.
"Kenny wasn't in class today." he heard Jenny say.
"Yeah." said Joey. "He's probably home sick."
"I feel bad for him!" said Erica.
"I wonder how he is..." said Bobby.
"Resting comfortably..." said Talon under his breath,
suppressing an evil smile as he turned up the volume on the TV to drown
out the sound of the brats.
"I'm sure he's okay." said Barney to the kids, having not heard
Talon's remark. "Let's all make him 'Get Well' cards and pictures for
when he comes back to school tomorrow!"
"YEAH!" exclaimed all the kids happily.
"Talon, do you want to help?" asked Barney.
"No."
"But-"
"Piss off!" he snapped, shutting Barney up in mid-whine.
Absentmindedly, he again began to wonder about ripping Barney's throat
out...
-----
The children all went about making their little cards and pictures and
crap happily, occasionally singing some stupid song. Talon couldn't figure
out if he wanted to kill them all, or just run far, far away from them.
"Kenny will be really happy tomorrow when he sees all of this!"
exclaimed Bobby.
"Yeah!" said Erica. "I'll bet it makes him feel a whole lot
better!"
"Oh my God, they killed Kenny!" blared the TV loudly. At that,
Talon broke down laughing, a deep evil laugh that caused all in the room
to stop and stare at him.
"What's so funny?" asked Danny. Talon paused from his fit,
looked at the clueless faces around him, and started laughing again.
"Just ignore Talon for now." said Barney. "He's probably
thinking of a funny joke to tell us later!"
-----
The remainder of the day passed without incident, other than the
occasional death threat from the overly-hostile raptor, and all the
children went home, convinced they'd see their friend Kenny tomorrow.
But when tomorrow came, Kenny still was not in class.
-----
"Maybe he's *really* sick." said Joey. "Like maybe he has
the flu or something."
"Maybe he went to visit his grandparents!" said Erica. "I
heard they live in Florida."
"Cheer up, kids!" exclaimed Barney. "I'm sure we'll see him
again soon!" At that, Talon looked up from marking his territory on
the teacher's desk to scowl. 'Christ, just how stupid are these idiots?'
he wondered.
"I don't want to know." he said to himself, answering the
unspoken question. The kids looked over at him.
"Did you say something, Talon?" asked Jenny.
"I said that I'm going to murder you in your sleep if you don't *leave
me the hell alone*!" he snapped. The children actually laughed at
that, thinking it to be a joke, as usual. Then, with their tension broken,
they went back to their normal routine of playing stupid games.
-----
The next school day came and went, and, as always, the brat pack stayed
behind at the school rather than go home.
"For fuck's sake, don't you brats have *lives*?" asked Talon,
disgusted by it. They ignored him and looked up at Barney.
"Kenny wasn't in school again today!" whined Jenny. Talon
scowled. He was really starting to hate that brat...
"I heard he moved away." said Danny. The room fell silent for a
few seconds before Jenny got all huffy.
"And he couldn't tell us that he was moving? That meanie!" she
said.
"Now Jenny, you shouldn't say such mean things! What if something
happened to Kenny? You'd feel all bad then, wouldn't you?" said
Barney.
"Yeah..." said Jenny, looking down.
"Wherever Kenny moved to, he's still your friend, kids! I know he
won't ever forget you, and I know he still loves us all!" said Barney.
Talon just couldn't take anymore...
He puked, all over the floor.
-----
That's all for Episode 2! Stay tuned for Episode 3: Sharing!